May 31, 2011
Watching "The Bachelorette" (and most reality TV, for that matter) requires some serious suspension of disbelief.
Is Ashley Hebert really dating 25 guys at once, and immediately developing "strong feelings" for several of them, including one who clearly has been hired by the show to play some kind of Omarosa-esque villain role?
Are the guys so "in love" just days after meeting the 27-year-old dental student/dancer that at least one is already willing to marry her?
And is Ashley really still willing to date a very strange 35-year-old man who two weeks into the season has yet to take off his face mask?
The answer to all of these questions is yes. Which is how you know that you're in for some pretty good reality TV.
In case you couldn't make it through two full hours of perky cuteness, here's a quick summary of how it all went down on Monday night:
Ashley chooses William, a 30-year-old cell phone salesman for Ohio, for the first one-on-one date. William does a mean George W. Bush impression and dreams of being a stand-up comedian, but Ashley fears he might not be "serious" enough. To test him, she embarks on every guy's nightmare: Engagement ring shopping and wedding cake tasting . . . on the first date! Since they're in Vegas, she even has a minister read the marriage vows . . . and unbelievably, William says, "I do!"
As this point, Ashley is satisfied with William's devotion -- but of course she can't marry him, she has "17 other guys to consider!"
Onto the group date, another one most guys would dread: The suitors must choreograph a dance routine in 30 minutes for the chance to perform with the JabbaWockeeZ dance crew. Both teams are pretty bad, but six of the guys win the chance to perform in front of 1,000 people and spend a little more time with Ashley.
Ever efficient, Ashley decides to spend some one-on-one time with the six remaining guys -- specifically, Bentley, the 27-year-old single dad who claims to be completely uninterested in Ashley. While he admires her "amazing butt" and "rocking legs," Bentley reveals to viewers at home, "Having her tickle my pickle, that's like the extent in terms of my interest. She's just not my type."
Well, that doesn't leave very much to the imagination. So why is he on the show to begin with, you wonder? Bentley claims he wants to win merely because he is "very competitive." And Ashley, if you believe in "reality" TV, is totally falling for it, begging him to stay in the competition and even giving him a rose.
And with the flip of a coin, Ashley is on a one-on-one date with 31-year-old Mickey, a chef and a self-proclaimed "mama's boy" who is so boring, we can't imagine he'll last very long. In fact, Ashley herself is so blasé about the date that she flips a coin to determine whether he should get a rose. Mickey, have some self-respect and quit now!
Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for: Ashley gets a little alone time with "masked man" Jeff, who reveals that he had a brain hemorrhage a few years ago and was divorced soon afterward. But just when he's feeling comfortable enough to take off the mask, Matt interrupts!
Meanwhile, William is bragging about his date with Ashley to Bentley, who explains to viewers at home that he'd "rather be swimming in pee then trying to plan a wedding with her." Later, he says his kiss with Ashley "started out good but sucked toward the end." Somebody call the limo, please -- this guy might be the world's biggest jerk!
But Ashley "trusts her gut" and "sees sincerity" in Bentley. She even thinks he could be the one! We see some kind of plot twist ahead: Will Bentley start falling in love with Ashley in spite of himself? Or will she get her heart broken?
All we know is, we'd rather be swimming in pee than dating this guy.
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